I hear it is custom to provide a disclaimer of sorts to explain the kind of stuff that I do, not that you can consent to it of course; by the time you read this, you may be far long from meeting me. I imagine, to you I may be as available as a tiny disappearing speck in your universe, or I might be occupied with something else, perhaps another supercluster to discover. I’m very busy.
My mission is to try to understand the cosmos in all its existence before it is lost forever, or rather I lose it. And so I had been given information about a planet that supports life, right here in my very own Laniakea neighborhood. It sounded like a fine topic for my subthesis and it also happened to be yours.
After an entire cosmological decade, I was finally able to create a super team of trusty agents; my cosmic roaches.
They are designed to travel great distances across space-time and implant themselves onto any intelligent living species, tracking every thought and impulse in the form of vivid, distinct visuals that can be communicated to me directly.
My cosmic roaches work hard. They are nifty, silent and you will hardly notice them. But I guess what I really want to say is thank you, for letting my roaches dissect you. And now I’m off to send more roaches.